The other night my wife was playing guitar. I was listening from the other room and I thought that I’d go get my guitar and join in with her. She’s a much better guitar player, but I like to strum some chords, so I was really excited about joining with her. I got out my guitar and I started strumming. I was playing the right chords, but my guitar was way out of tune.
I used my electric tuner and tuned my guitar. I strummed it again and it still sounded terrible.
It was then that it dawned on me that I had tuned my guitar to the tuner, but I hadn’t tuned my guitar to my wife’s guitar. Until we took the time to ensure that our instruments were tuned to each other, we wouldn’t be able to produce beautiful music together (or anything that sounded even halfway decent!).
Let’s face it, couples get out of tune. You are your partner lead busy lives. There is lots of hustle and bustle. By the time you get to sit down together for a few minutes, you’re running at different rates. You’ve got work on your mind, you’ve got food in your mouth, and you’d rather talk about your day than listen to your partner tell about their day.
You’re out of tune.
Couples meditation provides a great way for you and your partner to tune your instruments to one another. By taking a few minutes to meditate with your partner, you greatly increase your chances of having meaningful conversation and intimate connection. Couples meditation is a way of bringing your emotional state and psychological rhythms into alignment.
The Importance of Mindfulness
Jon Kabat-Zinn likens a life without mindfulness to an untuned orchestra. He explains that if you aren’t in touch with the multiple dimensions of your inner being via meditation and mindfulness, you’re living your life ineffectually.
Why? Because you haven’t tuned your instrument.
“It would be like the Philadelphia Philharmonic or some great orchestra…playing Beethoven without tuning first. They have the greatest musicians with the greatest instruments in the world, and they still tune – first to themselves and then to each other.” Meditation, he says, “in some sense is like tuning your instrument before taking it out on the road. And tuning it in the morning could change completely how the day goes.”
Attuning to Your Partner through Couples Meditation
In each given moment, you are living at a certain frequency. At this moment, you are at a certain emotional level. You are at a certain energetic level. Your partner might be aware of how you are feeling right now, but chances are that your partner has no idea how you are feeling. Perhaps even more to the point, you might not have any idea how you are feeling in this moment.
Mindfulness meditation is an important practice that trains you to be in touch with how you are feeling right now. Couples meditation can extend this experience to your partner. Through couples meditation, your partner can become aligned to your emotional state and be more receptive to where you are in this moment. Likewise, through couples meditation, you can become more aligned with your partners emotional and energetic state.
Couples meditation is a process of bringing partners into resonance. When two guitars are tuned to each other, they can resonate fully and beautifully. I’ve found that the same is true with couples. When two partners are able to come into resonance, there is less fighting and more loving in the relationship. Being in resonance allows couples to be together mindfully and lovingly.
A Simple Couples Meditation
The purpose of this couples meditation is to come into resonance with your partner. Sit cross-legged with your partner. Face each other so that your knees are touching. Sit with your backs straight and hold one another’s hands. Your hands can rest comfortably atop your legs.
Close your eyes and breathe. Don’t try to force anything. Simply be present with your own breath. Allow yourself to be just as you are in this moment. This is your opportunity to practice mindfulness. Remain with the sensation of your breath.
A few minutes into this couples meditation, allow yourself to notice the cadence of your partner’s breath. You might notice that your breath has already aligned with your partner’s. This happens naturally as your bodies and minds attune to one another.
How to Modify this Couples Meditation
This type of couples meditation is also very effective when you are not sitting cross-legged. I find that this couples meditation works very well while standing. It is very effective at smoothing the transition when one partner arrives home from work. Often this is a stressful time for couples because one partner is carrying stress from work and the other partner is carrying stress from being within the home.
You can try practicing this couples meditation standing up. When one partner returns from work, before you start talking about your days, stand face-to-face and hold hands. If comfortable, you can rest your foreheads together and simply breathe. Do this until you feel that your breathing and being has come into resonance. As you practice this, you’ll begin to feel when you are your partner are in tune with one another.
These couples meditations will bring harmony to your relationship.
For a free guided couples meditation, click here.
For more meditations for couples, take a look at our guided meditations for couples page by clicking here.